Week 4: I'm Tired - Like, REALLY Tired

This is the point in time in the treatment cycle where the fatigue is normal, the nausea is normal, and the hair falling out is normal. All of the unpleasant things that I feel are all normal.

Normal sucks right now.

I spent the holiday weekend sleeping. Really. All of it.

And I'm still tired.

This week I have approximately a million appointments, and frankly, I don't wanna.

Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I know, I know, I'm supposed to stay positive in the face of adversity. I should keep a good outlook because strong mental health and a positive outlook are proven to lead to better outcomes. My logical brain says that I need to fix my attitude and get with the program. My logical brain says that I'm more than halfway done with the treatment plan, and the plan is going exceedingly well. My logical brain says that this feeling of nausea and fatigue can't last forever.

And then, there is my emotional brain.

My emotional brain tells me all the things that I don't want to hear, that I don't want to tell anyone, that I don't want to admit.

My logical brain knows that the stigma against mental illness is societal and widespread, and that all of these feelings that I don't want to talk about are normal.

In an effort to overcome and ignore that stigma, I'll tell you that two of my approximately a million appointments this week are for therapy. If nothing else, it is important for my friends, my family, and everyone else to know that cancer does not just take a physical toll, but also a mental and emotional one.

And ultimately, whether you have cancer, know someone who has or had cancer, or are just one of my readers, I want to say that, in all likelihood, we all need some kind of therapy. There is no shame in needing or wanting to talk to someone. We don't feel shame about having a cold or catching the flu. Why should anyone feel shame for feeling their feelings?

Well.

This post went in a different direction than I expected. Maybe that's because I'm still tired.

But while we are here, just think about it. Cancer is hard. Life is hard. If it is too hard, there are people who can help. There is no shame in that game.